Rant #1

I am a disgrace.

I am disgusted with myself. I'm a failure to my friends, my boyfriend and myself. Why, why, why would I do such a stupid thing?
Why would I kiss another boy?
But I did. I did kiss another boy and I kinda miss him too... I feel guilty for doing it and I also feel guilty for not feeling as guilty as I should feel. I was mad at you but I didn't tell you and I silently just reveled in my anger and let it get to me and I took it out by kissing someone else.

I was drunk. I was drunk and stupid and since I never got drunk before I didn't know it would be so crazy. The day after it happened I felt horrible. I felt so horrible I cried, puked and just wanted to forget everything and rewind. I'm such a horrible girlfriend.

I'm so sorry.
I knew that you trusted me.

I just want to cry, hit myself and crawl away into a corner.
But I won't.
I'll tell you the truth, you deserve the truth.
But please, I hope that you will know that it was a one night thing, it meant nothing, nothing to me

but you mean so much more to me, and I love you,
first time and last time i'll ever be drunk... and I don't want to lose you.

so please don't let me go.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, Singapore? How come?

    It depends on the type of wound, but yes, most of the wounds that really hurt leave scars. Mostly I think scars are beautiful, though, because even if they might remind you of all that pain, it's accompanied by the knowledge that you got through it, and you're fine now, and it doesn't hurt as much (it's just an imprint, a constant reminder of what was).

    Is this post based on your real experience? (Based on the title, I'm assuming it is.) I hope things work out between the two of you.

    Just a question (since you read through my church-y post): are you a believer (in God, that is)?


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