Cat's Eyes

Bright eyes; golden dust flecked in a sea of green, they watch you--all knowing,

bright eyes, they wash you with their warmth, always watching, always waiting,

when you laugh, scream or cry, they are always there,

bright eyes in a sea of silken fur,

a gentle warmth, always waiting, waiting for you.

("What is love?"

"Love is when a kitten comes to curl on your lap...

... even after you're ignored it the whole day.")

we didn't.

darling, 

didn't we promise to watch the sunrise together one day?

didn't we promise to look out into the horizon, watch the sun break over the horizon and disappear in a crest of faded clouds? didn't we promise to hold hands, smile, and wish for a better day?

darling, didn't we?

Winter Love.

your love falls like snowflakes on a winter night;

gently and softly, turning my skin red and my breath hot.

it's beautiful.

but it's so cold--so fragile

Falling.

Love is one of the most beautiful, incredible and precious feelings in the entire world. When you're so deeply in love, in the midst of entwined fingers and passionate kisses that you don't realize. You don't realize because you're on cloud 9 floating in the air and you don't realize that there's a hard, cold ground waiting for you to fall down on and if you fall off the cloud, you hurt so bad. You're bruised, bloodied and broken and you can't even remember what it was like on the cloud. That's what I feel, and that's what I'm so afraid of.

Confession #3

Maybe it's my destiny to never be loved.

But does it have to hurt this much? Does my chest have to burn, my throat sear, my eyes swell and my heart break into thousands and thousands of dreams and wishes that would never come true? I'm truly a doll--living only for the happiness for my puppet masters, the one who holds the strings to me.

A doll will never be loved.

Why Me?

I'm just so tired.

So tired of everything.

Why am I the only one who ends up fighting alone?

Endless Autumn.

She twiddles her thumbs, rough course skin of endless nights of fingertip chewing and nail-biting has left them so. She looks up and scans around the park painted with reddish-gold and brown. Just waiting, waiting, waitin-

Where the hell was he?

Soon she feels someone take her rough, unlady-like hands and kiss them.

"I'm here"

Faster, run faster.

"keep running dear, keep running... maybe you'll find out where you're supposed to go in life..."

The muscles in your legs scream with agony and your lungs burn in protest as you race across the barren land. You're lost. All you see is the horizon and all you can feel is the icy wind slicing across your face, as though telling you that you should stop.

But you won't stop,

because you can see the sunlight rising from the horizon,

and you need to keep chasing after the light.

Tears of pain.

A 22 year old good looking chinese in Malaysia committed suicide after his model girlfriend broke up with him.

http://joshuaongys.com/2010/12/19-yrs-old-malaysian-alviss-kong-jumped-off-building-committing-suicide-after-leaving-facebook-message/

This made me cry.
Love for some hurts, and for some kills.

little things

She touches the snowflakes and feels it melt against her flushed cheeks.

It feels good--clean,

she laughs in irony.

Never.

Since when, since when did you have to have a say in everything I do? Since when did the things that I do for myself, need you to fit into the picture? Since when do the things that I do that make me happy, need to make you happy? Since when did you, become my life? Since when was it okay for you, mother, to have to control everything that I do?

"..."

Exactly. 

Now let's keep it that way.

You smile...

...and then you realize in that exact, perfect second,

you're holding your entire world in your arms...

Lead me.

She tells me to colour her monochrome world with pastel pinks for innocence, yellow for virtue, green for youth and blue for happiness. The hues of the pastels collide into one single winding road-- rich with elation of freedom and imagination. 

"This journey I will lead you through...

...the world where there's only me and you"

She smiles.

Shining.

It's as though there are rainbows in my veins, just waiting to come out and shine after the rain.

But i'm not really that fond of rainbows, to be honest.

Still some left.

"It's been forever but that hasn't changed what you mean to me"

She hesitates, fingers hovering over the keyboard--trembling.

What could she say that she hasn't already?

"I hope you're happy with her"

Another pause--she presses delete,

sits back, closes her eyes and feels a single tear warm on her cheek;

She didn't know she had any left.