6.5.12

Candlelight thoughts.


To be frank.
How much I want you, scares me.
You scare the absolute shit out of me.

It's not often that I'm enraptured by somebody's voice, their eyes, their smiles. I didn't think that you'd be the one to capture me, least of all someone like you. I warned myself not to fall, no, not to be drawn towards such a keen player of the game. Alpha and Alpha(sometimes Omega) and we can't deny this irrefutable bout of underlying passion that binds us together. And I can't deny you of claiming what you desire, not without denying myself of my own.

I can't stop you anymore,
and now i'm not sure if I want to at all.


9 comments:

  1. Remember this and remember it well. Because you're this young and naive, you're just gonna get hurt. You'll eventually come out strong and maybe one day you'll realize that if you have to hide your feelings and write it here in this manner, it's just an obsession. Having to constantly tell yourself not to fall for the guy means you know better but the lack of experience and insight will lead you towards that mistake you fear. Good luck.

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    1. Everyone gets hurt; it's your internal strength that helps pull you through. Sometimes, that can be attributed to experience and age; other times, it's innate. Experience and knowledge have also shown me that sometimes, it's not as simple as "I love you" - that it doesn't guarantee you a happy ending or any kind of resolution, and it doesn't guarantee you safety. Often, the threat of saying 'I love you' is very physical, and very real. Whilst I admit that it is cowardly to write on here, in this manner, sometimes there is no other option. I wish I could live in the black and white world that you do, but I don't.

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  3. saying, "i love you" is the easiest part when it's to the right person. if it is that hard for you to say it, it means it's just not the right person. anon is right tho.... this sounds more like an obsession.

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    1. This piece is not about love. It’s about lust and desire. Love and lust are two very different things. If you can’t differentiate the two then I’m sorry to say that you still need to experience a lot in life. “I love you” is one of the most overused and inconsequential things you can say to someone nowadays. It’s been overused and abused to the point where the words hold almost no true sentimental value anymore. Yes, perhaps this may be an obsession. I think about giving in to a person who I know I shouldn’t. I guess that means that any kind of love at all is an obsession, no?

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    2. For a young girl like you to be talking about lust and desires, very unbecoming of a person your standards. It seems you have thought it through and making up all these excuses and reasons as to why you should give in. By all means, give into that lust and desire that you yearn for. You probably know that you are treading on thin ice but you're still young which is okay since you have many years to learn and get it right.

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    3. Standards? Who are you to talk about standards? Who are you to make judgements on a person you don’t know and speak as though you understand? Age has nothing to do with emotions and basic human needs. It’s not about how ‘young’ someone is but about their feelings. You only live once so live it fully. But since you’re such an accurate reader of people through creative literary works, then I’m sure there’s so much more you know.

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  4. Anon was right... You try to grow up too fast when you barely can survive in this world without your parents. You want to fit in so badly. You surround yourself with unimaginative typical standards. Photography & models? So young but limiting yourself to such common, ordinary ambitions. I doubt your parents sent you to such an expensive school just to become as common as everyone else.

    Here’s a tip: You’re awfully still young and no matter how demented your parents are, suck it in and be what they tell you to be until you are old enough to go out and live on your own without your parents’ money. Stop being selfish and immature. You thinking only about what you want and dragging people into your mess is just very self-centered of you. You are in no place to have what you want until you’ve earned the rights to it. Good luck growing up. You’re still extremely sheltered in your own bubble that you do not even realize that the world outside isn’t as pretty as that world you’re living in.
    The self-pity act of being a trapped princess just goes to show how childish you are. Just remember that if you were in a different family and you have none of the privileges that you have now... you’d appreciate everything in your life now. You may not understand this and you probably never will but what you would know, you’re just another rich spoilt brat. Gotta love your debut into the KL scene. Very gossip girl material. Bravo.

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    1. You know nothing about my life. Everything you talk about are words from a person who understands nothing from someone in my position. Seeing as your tone holds jealousy and envy “Just remember that if you were in a different family and you have none of the privileges that you have now.“

      I’m not in a different family. I don’t know what it’s like to not have the ‘privileges' that I do now. So how can you expect me to see it from the eyes of people who don’t? The grass is greener on the other side of the field and I personally see no real privileges.

      Limiting myself? I love what I do. It’s my passion and since when was exploring you passion limiting? ‘Common’? It’s only common to the likes of shallow-minded people who do not appreciate artistic values. But it’s okay, you will never understand. You’re just another anon.

      Dragging people into my mess? I work my ass off to keep people AWAY from my mess. Which is one of the reasons I moved out so I wouldn’t involve others anymore. BUT AGAIN, you wouldn’t understand because you’re not a rich spoilt brat like me. Oh and also, I am working to provide a living for myself so don’t talk like you know.

      Hiding behind an ‘anonymous’ image and attacking me on my personal blog with stupid assumptions and shallow-minded views? Who’s the childish one now.

      p.s ‘debut’ is a fine way of putting it. I like to think of it as ‘making friends’ and ‘having fun’ but whatever you say mr. or mrs. anon?

      Gossip girl out xoxo

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