The next step.

i'm standing on a blurry line and I wonder,

which shaking foot should I put forward next?

I've always been bad at direction but

I'm trying not to keep stumbling on my words.

under the skin.

it's embedded,

deep in my not-so-fair, not-so-pure flesh,

where black ink stains itself in words--

letters and punctuation marks;

(you always liked to pick on my grammar)

the ink flows in my veins and rewrites

the stories of you and me

on the torn, scribbled, dog-eared pages of my heart

no-one could forget the first time they meet you anyway

Dandelion wishes.

"I wish..."

I'd use up a thousand wishes just to see you stay,

a thousand shooting stars, "love me, love me not"s, eyelash wishes,

because when you leave me

(even in a room with a hundred people)

i suddenly feel alone.

"... you could feel it"

Carousel

You're the momentum that keeps me moving forward,

making my world blur right before my eyes in monochrome

too bad i'm afraid of heights.

Some people.

I'm so sick of being a nice person,

sacrificing myself for the people I love,

then realizing that when I truly need them,

they all turn their backs on me.

Soon, you'll be begging for my help again,

and this time I'm just going to do the same

When you say that...

life is cruel,

remember that you were too.

(Pearls no longer fall from these eyes)

That one sms.

It's not the same anymore. It's not what it used to be when she'd call him every night and tell him about her day, what she did and how much she wished that he was there. She still yearns to hear that special vibration that somehow (magically) means that you've texted her--to know if she's been eating (because you used to care). But now it's nothing but empty silences.

It's not what it used to be anymore.

And she misses that.

Through the looking glass.

Hey, so you know my eyes? 

Yeah, even in a crowded room, they always seem to find you.

I just wish you knew.

A storm is coming

You're like a lightning bolt cutting into my life.

I can't even sum up all the words and connotations that are enough to describe you, how despicable, obnoxious and egoistic you are (just another carbon copy) --always scrabbling for attention and my scraps.

You don't even deserve them.

Can't you find another nice day to try and ruin?

There's no more room for drama here

Shades of grey.

Dear You,
Suddenly I feel like life's colours have all been drained and sucked dry. Suddenly I realize that everything is temporary and that forever is just a fairytale where the pristine pages of the book smell promise. Suddenly I know that you can never plan ahead in your life because life is like a river. It cuts through everything and anything and nothing at the same time and one day, the water is going to overflow.

I need a life jacket
(or maybe just you to hang onto)
you're the closest thing to a superhero in my eyes

Love,
That girl who's already drowning in black and white.

Ribbons of light

Twisting, threading, woven through lies,

the flickering lights singeing the sinews of my heart.

Remembering the ways they flashed in your eyes,

right before you tore me apart.

She hides her dreaming

I realize that the world doesn't really care if you are happy, sad, angry or afraid. It won't stop to wait for you when you get stuck in time. It won't slow down, rewind or fast forward even if you want it to. 

Life goes on, and we can't change it.

Therefore, even though I feel like i've tried my hardest and it's still not enough. Even though I work hard and things still go wrong. Even though I'm to blame,

I'm going to stay strong through it all because this is just another chapter of my life--another learning curve.

I won't be defeated.

Internal Battle.

(dedicated to one of my best friends)

She can't have you.

No, she can't. I don't care what you're about to say. I don't care what you're going to do about it but she can't have you. She can't have you because it's not fair. It's not fair for me because I've wanted you all this time and I try. I try, I really do. I come early to school everyday just to see you. I'm the last to leave the classroom because I want to be the last one to say goodbye so that you'll always remember me. I'm the one who wishes you good day everytime we walk past. I'm the one who notices the shirt you wear and how your tie matches your eyes and how you walk as though you own the world with that despicably adorable smirk of yours.

"I..."

I don't care if she's beautiful, or smart, or intelligent. I don't care if you say that it's impossible because it's not. I don't care how many times you turn me down as long as I end up with you. I don't care if you're more than twice my age with a job. I don't care if you think i'm not old enough yet because I will be.

I will be everything you want me to be if that's what it takes. I'm the one who's been trying for so long. The one who cries every single night because you don't realize just how god damned beautiful you are. I'm the one who would die for you.

I'm the one who's loved you all this time.

It's not fair.

She can't have you.

She just can't.

"I'm sorry..."

I know.
That's why I can't have you either.

Softcover.

She's afraid,

one can see the tremble behind her words and that longing behind those eyes.

"I'm finished,"
she muttered, her voice barely a whisper.
Your hand twitches--just a little bit and your eyes glance at her,

[you don't know what it does to her heart

when you look at her like that]

"You're finished...?"

Was there more to it than she thought it was--that tiny flicker in that ocean of blue and that look,

that look that sent tremors throughout her entire body.

"No."

She would never be finished.

Hardcover.

"

You have to read in between the lines

Hidden codes, sexual innuendos and little +'s scribbled on the bottom of the page between your name and my name--it all feels just right. I want to be lost in these words all typed up in size 12 sans-serif font (because I want you to notice me, yet I don't want you to notice that I want you to and so it's safe, you know?) and I know that you'll find me and pull me out of my daydream with that impatient click of your tongue and pointed eyes.

and so I did exactly that

"

You + Me = X

[I was never good at math.]