25.7.13

A time long gone.



Maybe she loved him, sometime back in December. 

She feels sorry for anyone who forgets the feeling. She feels sorry for anyone who has never had the opportunity to kiss his sleeping pulse. She feels sorry for anyone who has never felt his large hands on the back of their neck, who has never felt how goddamn beautiful it is to fall in love with another human being. He was imperfect and disorganised and needed her to finish his fullstops, to put a breath inbetween his words. She was sad but hopeful and never wanted to leave his side but sometimes love isn't enough to make you want to stay. He was wonderful but he was ruin and heartbreak and empty sighs. She was tired of crying battered tears and questioning herself, "how", questioning him, "why" and being met with silence.

She was strong enough to let go and wise enough to understand that it was wrong to give yourself so completely to someone yet stupid enough to want to keep being with him, fooling herself that it was okay to get hurt as long as he continued to be her safety net. She could weave lies and beautiful words, a glimmer of illusion, a lamp-shade over the pain she felt inside. But happiness was too far out of reach and she forgot too-long, too-much how smiling worked.

So she picked up the pieces of herself, tucked them into her breast pocket and stitched as much of herself together as possible before she left the warm bed of comfort and his whispers of forevers and promises she wanted to believe in. Sometimes reality has to sink in and she was too weak to be strong any longer. 

Maybe she loved him, sometime back in December.
And maybe she loves him, sometime yesterday.
And maybe she will keep loving him, sometime tomorrow.

5 comments:

  1. hello i'm invite you to join my beauty giveaway http://www.miharujulie.com/2013/08/miharu-mini-giveaway-international.html
    i hope you can join XD

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love while loved differently is still love. And in dreams happiness can be found, and reality a mirror to them. You are strong. And this anon here hopes you will learn to find much more strength and solidarity, surety in yourself as you grow. And even in love or lust, doubts are not your regrets and mistakes do not dog your steps. And I hope you'll find happiness, however happiness can mean to you and whichever way it finds you that at the end, or perhaps the beginning, you receive it in a folded letter, a smile, a word and know the sentiment is yours to keep, hold close to your heart. While it is definitely not my place to do so, but this anon sends you a hug - a great big one - through the trillions of bytes and data lines and hopes it will bring you some comfort, however small it may be.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope I didnt ruin your dark concept , if I did sorry!!!!

      Delete

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